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I used to love Fantaghiro.

I was able to watch it over and over again. Adventures of a brave princess who never gave up and who was such a good person that people loved he so much. Good always won and everyone was happy. In one of the episodes she went to help into a far away land and left her beloved Romualdo behind. But she missed him so much that she wasn't able to concentrate on her job. Magic helped. They attached special snales on her head and erased her memories. After that she didn't think about him and did a great work in that special place. I wish i had some magic snales. I wish my memories could be deleted and I could continue every day happily without any pain. It would be amazing to wake up and don't miss anybody.Just concentrate on my life ahead and to life fully. I don't know how to delete. I don't know how to stop missing. But I also think everyone has a place in our life. And simply push someone out is cruel. Why would we meet people? Just for a short fun? Isn't everyone special? Why can't we just stay in each other lives and grow and change and learn? I am so bad in this. It is so so hard and I don't even understand it. Sometimes people think that you are crazy when you try really hard to fight for someone else. They judge and talk but they don't walk in your shoes. They do not see how much you value another person. Especially those people who don't even know you.Maybe they talk because they are not able to fight for anybody.Whenever someone does something they do not like they delete him or her as if people were just used toys. Or maybe nobody ever fought for them. It is sad when nobody even tries to keep you in their life. We all have our own stories. I believe we should fight for each other. I just wish i knew how to stop missing.

Perfect picture

Dear mr Chocolate! Honestly, i never experienced something like that before when it is so hard to find a way.You are calling me stubborn but darling look into the mirror.:) Who is able to not talk for days and days and days? I am the one who push because I need to communicate but hey u told me at the beginning to tell u all the time how I feel.Dont think this rule should change. You are the one who pulls.You pull away from conflict putting ur head into the ground.Remember u called me giraffe and ostrich? You are ostrich who puts his head under the ground not wanting to talk until u feel like talking and I am standing near the hole in the ground u made shouting at u:" talk to me talk to meeeee Taaaallllkkk too meeee and pulling ur head out:) This is a perfect picture of our friendship and i made myself laugh now. Hope it makes you laugh too. I miss you ostrich so I am shouting and running around like a silly giraffe when your head is deeply buried under the ground. It must be so loud for your ears me jumping above your head. But giraffes are sweet and so am I:)

Let it rain

Sometimes it is hard to be positive. To believe that there is something good around the corner. When this happens I google lots of "sayings"of some famous or just clever people and save them all into my phone. If someone went through my pictures they will see those times when I was somehow trying to overcome sadness and lost of faith in the future. It happens a lot. But its good to be sad sometimes. But not for long.Sadness comes like a wave.Like when I was standing on the beach and a bigger wave came and covered my shoes so i had to walk back home with wet feet. Sadness comes and goes comes and goes comes and goes... And clever people say:

I will let it rain...

I decided to believe you

When I was little I used to read books in which I could choose my own adventure. The story always got to the the point when I had 2 or 3 choices to make to continue. If I choose A this will happen...If I choose B this will happen... I never knew which choice was wrong and which will kill me.But after i died I returned to the decision page and chose the other option. Life is sometimes like that book but doesn't always let us return and change our decisions. When I met you I wasn't sure. Something was telling me that this will not end up good. This was a "decision page" and I chose to ignore those negative voices and to trust your words. Very big words: We will be together forever, You are my life, We will work together and live together,I love you. Other person was stupid that he left you when you loved him. Isn't that what every girl wants to hear and believe? Who would choose B when A sounds so good and sweet? Now with my heart broken I was listening to completely different words. Explanations. Love in other language has many meanings and levels. When I said "I love you" that was just normal love open to grow but not the highest level. Our cultures are different and you didn't understand what i mean. I have a choice today again. A) its all just an clever excuse , the way how to avoid responsibility for playing with my heart.Using culture as a shield. Instead of admitting that you simply lost interest. B) It is true. All your big words didn't mean the same in your and my language. I am choosing B I decided to believe you!

Why

I wonder how many times it takes to have trust broken forever. How many times is a person able to believe again and again and again ...and suddenly it's finished. No more! There is lots of stories of people returning to their partners who just used their love but never really loved them. Why people say"I love you" but do not even try to find out what it means? Why people take love as an easy word we can say to make someone feel good, maybe get someone...but just for a short time. Why it became so cheap and so easy? Why being loyal turned into a joke? Why something so special so warm and secure is considered to be old fashioned? But something easy to get and without the real value became admired? How much more we treasure stuff we had to work hard to get than just quick made one which breaks after the second use. Why don't we treasure love like that? why don't we work hard to keep it, to grow it, to look after it, to respect it and protect it?

Sleep

Sometimes I feel that the best thing to do would be just to close my eyes and ...sleep forever.But it's not a desire to die just that inside tiredness of life. I am tired of that enormous speed around me, of life that doesn't let me really live but often just to survive my day. I know i don't have any serious problems, I am healthy and have food every day. I have loving family and friends...but I am tired. It's exactly the same like when I was driving on motorway and wanted to sleep so badly. Just to close my eyes for a second.But it would end up horribly and thanks God I got home safe. I want this world to stop rushing somewhere. Stop all this noise around,pollution , smell, shouting, cars, ....aaaa Let me sleep

Alone

One day a Thought came into my mind.I wasn't sure it's true so I tested it for a while. But it is true. Everyone is ALONE. Of course,there are people around us such as friends, family, partners, kids...but when it comes to it. We are ALONE.Here are some examples: New school or a new job. Of course we discuss those things with parents or partners but are they facing it with us? No. Everybody has to walk into that scary classroom ALONE. What about a surgery. Do our friends go through it? NO. We have to suffer it ALONE. Accident. Who will stand there in front of a policeman like a scared mouse. It is my partner? NAAAT. its jut me and me ALONE. Yeah we come home and require others to soothe our pains but at the end of the day it's a person ALONE in this world. Maybe i feel like that because I am single for a while although i don't feel single but let's face it. I am:-) And the thought that everyone is ALONE makes me feel better but it's not the main point. I believe there is God and He is with us all the time but...When i cut my finger is God going to take my pain away? No. Or when someone breaks my heart over and over again am I not going to feel it because God will take it? Oh yes I will. I will over and over again.God is not a wending machine where i put my coin and He gives me what I want.It's quite comforting to know that although I have to feel my pain He is there.Maybe that pain should teach me something or let me understand others who go through the same shit. I don't want it tho because i want it my way or high way:-) It was shocking to realise that at first.But it's no point to be scared every day about it.Why would I worry about something that I can't change. Minule ma osvietila taka myslienka a dlho som ju prevalovala v hlave a testovala a JE TO TAK! Kazdy je vlastne sam.Nezavisi to od toho,ci ma niekoho specialneho, ci ma frajera/frajerku/manzela/manzelku/deti/najlepsie kamosku... je sam. Ked pride na vec,tak stoji clovek pred tym sam. Napriklad: nova skola.Ano poradim sa s rodicmi,ci partnerom,ale ked som uz v tej skole,musim tomu celit SAM. Operacia. Nikto to za mna neurobi,musim si to odtrpiet SAM. Dopravna nehoda? Kto stoji pred policajtom ako taky vystraseny ziacik? Nie je to ziaden kamos,ci partner,ale SAM clovek,co to sposobil. Mozno mi to vsetko napada len preto,ze som uz dlhsie single a chcela by som mat dakoho,co by ma prijal taku,aka som a prisla by som domov po tazkom dni a ten clovek by tam bol a povedal,ze vsetko bude fajn.Ale viem,ze uvedomenie si,ze aj tak musime veci riesit sami ,je take relaxove. Nepopieram,ze Pan Boh je s nami vo vsetkom,ale ked sa porezem,nebudem citit boles,lebo ju Pan Boh zoberie? urcite nie,musim si tym prejst SAM a ked ma niekto zrani,nepocitim to,lebo Pan BOh...? samozrejme ,ze to SAM precitim az do dna.Pan Boh je tu,ale nie je nejaky stroj ,do ktoreho hodim mincu a on mi vyhodi to,co prave potrebujem.To by bolo ake super,ale cez tie bolesti sa asi nieco ucim,nechcem,ale musim:) Ked som si toto vsetko prvykrat uvedomila,sokovalo ma to a vystrasilo. Ale co sa clovek bude SAM zbytocne stresovat;-) a bat buducnosti.Nema dost den svojho trapenia?